Tuesday, June 08, 2010
There's something beautiful about planning. The vision of something you want to do, something that gives you a goal you can work on, something that gives you hope, that gives your life meaning even if you had been feeling like crap only a few minutes before you started planning.
I LOVE plans. I LOVE writing them down in a notepad or into a brand new Excel sheet (because it lets me check the finished ones and keep track of the ones still ahead of me). So far, so good. But... OF COURSE THERE'S A "BUT"! My "but" (no spelling error, there should be only one T, thank you very much) is that I get discouraged very often. For the smallest of the reasons. It might be because I have a soul of an artist, and those are very critical towards themselves. Everything or nothing. Being a perfectionist doesn't help much. I can't even remember how many plans ran through my mind, how much paper I covered with my hopes and expectations, and how many times I found THE REASON not to do something. My favourite one is: "I'm not good enough. I'm not as good as others."
If you think this attitude of mine has been born because of an unsupportive family or "bad" friends, I can assure you that you're wrong. My family might have some flaws but they always support me in the end. The same goes to my friends. I even think they know what I'm capable of doing much better than I've ever known, myself. Where I see INSUFFICIENT, they see GOOD, GREAT or even EXCELLENT. If you ever meet one of my friends, they might even start convincing you I'm a real Renaissance man, well, woman. I can't tell you if they're right or wrong because firstly, I have serious problems judging myself objectively, finding my own value, and secondly, because I have always suspected them of "being nice" towards me.
Why am I writing all this? Because there's been another PLAN that came after someone I deeply care about, someone I utterly trust and someone who has helped me overcome even my worst depressions had told their partner a story about not being afraid, a story that touched the very deep soul of their partner and me alike.
The message of the story was simple: Don't be afraid to share your talents. No matter how big or small they are, there might be someone whose life could be touched and changed to the better only because you weren't afraid and shared. You never know who might be waiting for your courage.
So my dearest friend - I know you're going to read this - I want to thank you for your neverending support in a way that, I hope, will please you. I'm going to share a piece of my talent on YouTube. For you. You know how hard it's going to be for me as I always doubt myself and as I'm very afraid of negative feedback. But would it be life if we weren't risking sometimes?
And now to all of you who feel the same way like I do - insecure about their talents. Don't let your fears hold you back! Use the colours! Beauty is not in perfection!